Guidance and Resources for Families and Friends Supporting Someone in Addiction

DO NOT ENABLE, BUT DO SUPPORT.

Supporting someone through addiction means walking a fine line between offering help and avoiding enabling. Support means being there for the person with empathy, offering resources, and helping them take positive steps toward recovery when they’re ready. Enabling, on the other hand, is unintentionally helping them continue their destructive behavior by making it easier for them to keep using.

For example, supporting could look like offering to help them find treatment options, attending a support group with them, or just being a non-judgmental listener when they need to talk. Enabling might be giving them money that you know will likely go toward their addiction, covering up their behavior to protect them from consequences, or overlooking their harmful actions to avoid conflict.

The key difference is that support helps someone move toward recovery, even if they’re taking small steps, while enabling unintentionally allows them to stay stuck in the cycle of addiction. It’s tough because you want to help, but setting boundaries while showing love can be the most supportive thing you can do in the long run. It shows them that you care about their health and well-being without contributing to the problem.

Recovery isn’t just about stopping drug use—it’s about healing the whole person. When helping someone recover, take an approach that includes physical health, mental health, social support, and personal development.

Recognize that Relapse is Part of the Process

Relapse is often a part of the recovery journey, and it’s important to understand that it doesn’t mean failure. Addiction is a chronic condition, much like diabetes or hypertension, which means setbacks can happen. The brain takes time to heal from the changes caused by substance use, and it’s normal for individuals to struggle as they adjust to life without their addiction.

Relapse can be frustrating for both the individual and those supporting them, but it’s important to approach it with compassion. Instead of seeing relapse as the end of the road, it should be viewed as a learning experience—a chance to identify what triggered the return to substance use and how to better cope with those triggers in the future. It’s an opportunity to strengthen their recovery plan, make adjustments, and try again.

Supporters should encourage the person to get back on track as soon as possible without shaming or blaming them. Offering continued support and helping them refocus on their goals can be key to moving forward. Remind them that relapse is part of the process for many people, and each step, including the setbacks, is a part of the larger journey toward long-term recovery.

Taking Care of Yourself While Supporting Someone with Addiction

It can be really hard to watch someone you care about struggle with addiction, and it's important to remember to take care of yourself too. You might feel guilty, frustrated, or like you’re not doing enough, but it’s important to realize that their addiction is not your fault. Addiction is a complicated condition that changes how the brain works, and it’s not something you can fix by yourself.

It’s also important to know that the person using drugs isn’t a bad person. Addiction doesn’t mean they’re weak or that they don’t care about others. Many people start using drugs because they are dealing with pain, trauma, or mental health issues. Addiction takes over their brain and changes how they make decisions, but deep down, they’re still the person you care about.

Here are a few tips to help you:

• Set Boundaries: It’s okay to decide what you’re comfortable with. Setting boundaries helps protect your feelings and energy while still supporting the person you care about.

• Get Support for Yourself: Dealing with someone else’s addiction can be tough. Joining a support group for family and friends, or talking to a counselor, can help you manage your own feelings.

• Be Kind, Not Controlling: You can’t control their addiction, but you can show love and understanding without helping them continue bad habits. Remember that their addiction doesn’t define who they are.

• Know Your Limits: Recovery is up to them. You can support them, but you can’t make them change. It’s important to accept that their progress is their responsibility.

By taking care of your own emotional health and remembering that addiction is a disease, you can be there for them in a way that’s healthy for both of you. Be patient, show love, and know that it’s okay to take care of yourself too.

Addiction Changes Behavior, But Not the Person's Heart

Addiction can make someone act in ways that feel unfamiliar or hurtful, but it’s important to understand that addiction changes behavior, not the core of who they are. The substance takes over their brain, driving their actions, decisions, and reactions. Even though they may seem different or distant during addiction, it doesn’t mean they’ve lost the good person they were before.

If someone was kind, loving, and caring before addiction, those qualities are still inside them—they’re just overshadowed by the struggle they’re going through. Addiction can make people say or do things they wouldn’t normally, but their heart and values remain. When we remember this, it’s easier to separate the disease from the person and offer them the empathy and support they need.

Recovering from addiction means helping them reconnect with their true self, the person they were before substances took control. Beneath the addiction, they’re still the same person who deserves love, understanding, and a chance to heal.

Understanding Addiction: A Disease That Changes the Brain

Addiction isn’t just about bad choices or lack of self-control—it’s a disease that deeply impacts the brain. When someone becomes addicted, the substances they use change the brain’s reward system, making them feel a powerful urge to keep using, even if they desperately want to stop. Over time, their brain adapts to the substance, and they need more of it just to feel normal. This is why addiction can feel like an endless cycle, and quitting becomes incredibly hard, not just mentally but physically, too.

People struggling with addiction often face intense cravings, painful withdrawal symptoms, and feelings of shame or guilt. They may want to stop, but their brain is working against them, making it feel impossible at times. It’s important to realize that addiction changes who they are, but it doesn’t define them as a person. Underneath the struggle, they’re still the same person, fighting a disease that has taken control of their life.

When we understand addiction as a medical condition, it’s easier to show empathy. Instead of seeing their behavior as intentional, we can recognize the enormous challenge they’re facing and offer the support they need to heal. Recovery is about much more than just "quitting"—it's about rebuilding their brain, body, and life.