When You Feel Guilty After Losing Someone to the Drug Epidemic
Dear Friend,
First, let me just say—you’re carrying so much, and it’s no wonder you’re feeling like this. But I want you to hear this loud and clear: You are not guilty. You didn’t give them the drugs. You didn’t cause this. You didn’t fail them. It’s so easy for guilt to trick us into believing we could’ve changed the outcome, but the truth is—you didn’t have control over this. That was the hardest thing for me to accept when Adam, my loved one, died.
Grief is messy, and it doesn’t play fair. It makes us question everything and puts all this weight on us that we don’t deserve. The love you have is what’s driving this guilt, but love shouldn’t hurt you like this. You have to remind yourself that love means remembering the good, not punishing yourself for what you couldn’t control.
Whether your loved one struggled with substance use disorder for years or was caught in a single moment of tragedy—an accidental overdose, a drug they never meant to take—it doesn’t change this truth. They wouldn’t want you stuck here, buried under guilt. They’d want you to live. They’d want you to smile. They’d want you to carry their memory forward with love, not pain.
I’ve felt that same guilt—even about smiling or letting life move on. It’s a strange, heavy thing to feel guilty for surviving, isn’t it? But every time, I remind myself that Adam wouldn’t want me to sit there stagnant. He’d want me to laugh again. He’d want me to feel the sun on my face, to find joy wherever I could. And I believe your loved one would want the same for you.
Some days, it’s going to feel impossible. And that’s okay. Take it one day, or even one minute, at a time. Let today be the day you show yourself just a little bit of the compassion you deserve. You’ve been through so much, and you’re still here. That’s strength, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
You’re allowed to smile. You’re allowed to laugh. You’re allowed to keep going. And when you do, you’re not leaving them behind. You’re carrying them forward—in your heart, in your memories, and in the way you choose to live.
With all the love in my heart,
Maranda
